I am LOVIN' this weather. Crisp, blue-skied, sunny days, cool, dry evenings making sleep ever so much harder to shake from (for me and my cranky, non-morning-people kids...apple doesn't fall far from the tree); why can't we stay in this delightful limbo?? Why, oh why did we all settle in New Jersey where within a few short months we will be padded over with down jackets & fleece, tromping through slushy puddles of melting snow. Oh how I love Autumn...oh how I detest Winter.
So I'm not gonna even think of that. Won't even entertain the notion of the Future. Will keep my constantly whirling head where my overly, animated feet are and just be PRESENT. Oh please, that's just utter crap. Do you know how hard that is for me? I mean really, it's even hard for me to write, let alone try and live by. I just have so many exciting things PINGING through my brain! MNO Menus and Holiday parties, subway tiles orders and reclaimed wood installations...to say nothing of kids Halloween costume requests, Bake Sales for their CCD requirements and requests for new sneakers
'cause their old ones had a blow out. There is just too much to think about and plan. Too much sh*t to get done and not enough brain power for us all to figure out how we are going to get Alfie to chess practice (what a nerd that Alfie), Maisy to gymnastics and in between whip up a healthy, fresh and thoughtful meal for my kids (let alone try and get them all together to eat it).
So I'm gonna cross one thing off that list. I got dinner covered. Parmesan Crusted Chicken Cutlets over Penne Marinara. Citrus Shrimp & Pesto Pasta with veggies. Italian Wedding Soup. Buffalo Chicken Fingers. Veal & Ricotta Meatballs.
STOP. THE. MADNESS. That's like lunch and dinner for three days YO. That's right. And that's why The Catch-y Caterer is blowing up like your Aunt Edna's ass at Thanksgiving after eating all that pumpkin bread...and on that note, PUMPKIN BREAD comes BACK TO TOWN next week at MNO!!!
Who loves you?? That's right. I do.
SHAZAM. It was just one of those weekends...
SHA-ZAM it was just one of those weekends.
Sunny, crisp, Fall mornings. Watched my little buggers dart around the soccer fields laying a smack down on their opponents while alternatively scoring goals (Frankie) and saving them (Billy) - wa-mother-freakin hoooo! Got my dull, sad, massively neglected hair highlighted by my KICK *SS colorist Matthew (who is now working at HARU, book your appointment ASAP people to look as blond and cheery as I do, he is awesome sauce). Enjoyed the most fun, fabulous night with friends on Saturday before launching HEAD LONG into the picnic of ALL picnics, HHK UnPlugged where we served up spec-TACULAR treats to the masses whilst they turned off their phones, tuned into their kiddos and enjoyed a Chicken Sammie with Pepper Jack and some Chocolate Pudding Cake (well done Dana Koenig for planning it!!). It was as damn near perfect a weekend as there is one.
Do you ever have those? Times when after stringing together a few days or complete and utter sh*t, the Big Man decides, "you know what, I'm gonna toss this kid a bone and grant her every wish." Yup. That was my weekend. Don't be a hater. I paid for it last week.
So to Pay It Forward and pass it on, I'm gonna tell you what we have in store for you this week.
First off, a shout out to the woman who makes me look fabulous by dressing me in ALL the right duds - KRISTIN DAHL is having her Opening Night Party on Thursday (just hours after MNO pick up, perfect timing) at her new store in Midland Park!! Starts at 7pm and I will be serving up some tasty CANDY BACON (stop it), spicy Shrimp Tacos with Avocado Salsa & Deep Fried Macaroni & Cheese Bites (shut. the. front. door). Come one. COME ALL! All are welcome! Google the address (it's on Godwin Ave) and get on over there with a friend. Her clothes are off theHizzay...
Second, actually, chronologically it's first but whatever, you get the gist. Our menu this week will blow your MINDDDDD....
Check it out. Order it right the FREAK up. And let us deliver the b*tch to your doorstep so you have one less thing to worry about Thursday. Read down...and be ready to have your mind blown...
Hi, my name is Erin, and I'm a Bitchaholic.
I'm sorry. I need to apologize. It feels like all I ever do is bitch. But that's just my life right now. And there is no two ways around it.
Hi, my name is Erin, and I am a Bitchaholic.
So glad we got that out of the way. Now that I'm up front with you all, I can be free to share. I am so F*CKING overwhelmed I seriously don't know where to sh*t or wind my watch (sorry, that was one of my Dad's old sayings and it just feels so appropo right now).
Life right now feels like I'm trying to run up ten flights of stairs with four dead horses attached to my ankles...while talking on the phone to an AT&T Customer Service agent trying to teach me how to reset my modem. LIKE SO NOT GOING TO HAPPEN LADY.
Does life every feel like that to you? No? Okay, if you answered 'No' you should just delete and move on to your next email because we aren't gonna get along. Why does it take so much for my dense little blob of grey matter to remember that September is the world's most RIDICULOUS month?? Half days for Back to School Night. Jewish holidays. Seventeen new kid's activities (which of course means seventeen new carpools, #suckit). Catering. House building. Life, Life, $&@#$%* LIFE. Oye. I nearly just burst into tears at the gas station when the man told me he was out of regular...it's okay Er, pony up and pay the extra $.13/gallon, you won't go bankrupt.
So feeling overwhelmed always sends my brain not to my Zen Meditation app, Headspace, to chill myself down (which it total should but still doesn't), but instead to food and how can I make my life better by cooking some of it. So we are bringing you some doozies.
Lemon Chicken with Creamy Corn Pudding - say WHAT?!? My corn Pudding is the Bomb.Com. Drunken Flank Steak with Sea Salt Potato Wedges. Stop it. Stop it right now. To say nothing of the Waldorf "I wish I could eat this every day" Chicken Salad & my personal favorite, the Cape Cod Chopped with its bacon and gorgonzola ('hold it' if you don't like it people) and dried cranberries/fresh apples schwinggggg. And that's just the beginning.
So if you are like me, quit your bitchin' and do something nice for yourself so you have something to look forward to. That's what I just did. Ordered me up a passle of Buffalo Fingers and ain't no one gonna tell me I can't eat the whole stinkin' order on Thursday night.
Oh, and we'll DELIVER it right to you. Anything else we can do to improve your day you just let us know. I'm in the business of making people happy...
Text your order now.
917.721.9217
1) DRUNKEN FLANK STEAK WITH SEA SALT POTATO WEDGES & STEAMED GREEN BEANS ($14.50/DINNER PLUS TAX)
2) TUSCAN LEMON CHICKEN WITH SAGAPONACK CORN PUDDING AND STEAMED GREEN BEANS ($14.50/DINNER PLUS TAX)
3) CATCHY'S BURRITO BOWL WITH ROASTED CORN, BLACK BEANS, BROWN RICE, SAUTEED PEPPERS, QUESO FRESCA & CREAMY GUACAMOLE ($12.50/SALAD PLUS TAX)
4) WALDORF CHICKEN SALAD WITH RED GRAPES, PEARS, CRUMBLED GOAT CHEESE & CANDIED PECANS ($12.50/SALAD PLUS TAX)
5) CAPE COD CHOPPED CHICKEN SALAD WITH BACON, GORGONZOLA, TOASTED WALNUTS, FUJI APPLES, DRIED CRANBERRIES IN A MAPLE ORANGE VINAIGRETTE ($12.50/salad PLUS TAX)
6) PALEO SALAD WITH THAI SHRIMP, NAPA CABBAGE, CHOPPED SNOW PEAS, GRATED CARROT IN AN HERBY LIME VINIAGRETTE $12.50/salad PLUS TAX)
7) MOMMA'S CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH MINI EGG NOODLES ($11/quart PLUS TAX)
7) VEAL & RICOTTA MEATBALLS ($12/order PLUS TAX)
8) SLOW SIMMERED SUNDAY SAUCE ($11/quart PLUS TAX)
8) CRISPY PANKO CRUSTED CHICKEN FINGERS WITH HOMEMADE HONEY MUSTARD ($9/1/2lb order PLUS TAX)
9) BUFFALO STYLE PANKO CRUSTED CHICKEN FINGERS ($9/1/2lb order PLUS TAX)
10) CRUNCHIFIEDS OR WHITE CHOCOLATE PRETZEL BARK ($4/bag PLUS TAX)
Order Now. PICK UP at THE COMMUNITY CHURCH OF HOHOKUS (enter through the blue doors by the playground)
12pm-3:30pm
ORDER NOW!
I hate to sound heartless, I really do, but I don't think I will miss them.
Whoa Nellie. Hold Up.
I’m gonna make this one short & sweet because I think you have heard me drone on enough about my excitement over getting back to Reality over the past week. But I just gotta mention it one more time because…THIRTY-SIX HOURS FROM NOW MY KIDS WILL BE IN SCHOOL!!!
I hate to sound heartless. I do. But I really don’t think I’ll miss them. Take this morning, my oldest was still sleeping and my other three and I were having a little Arts & Crafts Action with some sharp colored pencils & crisp drawing paper, sipping smoothies and nibbling on cinnamon toast. It was totally chill & relaxing. Playing the uber-annoying, but somehow addictively enjoyable game of, Would You Rather (Would You Rather eat a bowl of snot or lick poop off your shoe?? Seriously, my five year old is going to be LIVING in the Principle’s office with not a single Kindergarten Mom calling for playdates). Even then, my mind kept returning to the fact that a mere two days from now I would be sitting in a quiet, tidy KID-FREE ZONE. KID. FREE. Motha f*ckaaaa. Sorry, I need to keep the language G-rated until then.
I’m just SILLY with excitement. Orders flooding in for Flank Steak Caesars & Chicken Fingers, “Can I get the Guacamole on the side with my Baja??”…sure thing lady, you can have the moon if you wish, my kids are in school for 6 hours today.
We’ve got people calling, booking their Progressive Dinners for their clubs in October, their 50th Birthday parties for their spouses next weekend because they have been moving their kids in to college and it just makes. My. Heart. Sing. to have my head filled with menus of Coconut Shrimp & Tamarind Ginger Sauce, Candy Bacon & the tastiest of tasty Maine Lobster Salad on some crunchy Endive. Yum. It. Up.
So I’m just gonna say it once and then I won’t repeat it because I know you don’t want to get left shopping and cooking on Thursday. ORDER NOW. Just do it. Don’t wait. Zip off the damn email snagging yourself a Paleo Greek Salad, some Roasted Chipotle Shrimp with Black Bean & Roasted Corn Salad and a Chinese Chopped. Reserve your three orders of freshly crisped Panko Crusted Chicken Fingers so your kids aren’t looking at you with disdain when you pull out those freezer burned Trader Joe’s numbers. Because there ain’t NOTHING like my freshly cut, breaded and flash fried Chicken Fingers and not many salads in town that can compare to our Shredded Kale & Quinoa with Crunchy Grapes & Grated Parm.
So pull the trigger. We got you covered.
WE DELIVER.
I may just LEVITATE. Seriously, I may...
Holy Hannah WHO IS EXCITED ABOUT THURSDAY??
C'mon, tell me. I want to know.
Who, after ten LONG weeks of packing beach bags and folding towels, after slathering sunscreen on cranky, squirming children & eating dozens of snack bar cheeseburgers that taste like hockey pucks (or crap-ass wilted salads with thick, pasty dressing) is
READY???
Who (pray tell) is as excited as I am to have their children so FAR out of their grills for 7 straight hours that they can almost taste it (if you are one of those women who post in FB how
super sad you are to see summer come to an end because you will miss your kids so much Thursday morning, please, unsubscribe from this blog. Seriously. I'm not sure we can be friends...)??
Now, next question: Please raise your hand, (or better yet, Click on the reply button and order right now)
WHO IS READY FOR A NIGHT OFF! from the stove? From a morning off at the supermarket? From an evening free of complaints from your husband that you've made this meal like, 26 times this summer and it was never very good to begin with?
I know I am. I am so STINKIN' ready for this THURSDAY I can taste it. Taste the crunch of Napa Cabbage & Salty Dry Roasted Peanuts (all foods should have caps btw) under a sheen of that spicy Red Chili Peanut Dressing. My mouth waters when I think about that lime-y, puckery twang of our Citrus Lime Vinaigrette on the Baja Chicken Salad with the pop of Roasted Corn under a dollop of Guacamole. And the idea of taking a bite of our Panko-Crusted Chicken Fingers that have taken a little dip in our Buffalo Honey BBQ Sauce makes my heart do a little backflip. A double in pike position. That's how good.
Add that to watching my kids,
ALL FOUR OF THEM (wahoooooo!! Georgia is OFF to Kindergarten!!) pass through those hallowed doors at Ho-Ho-Kus school by 8:45am - I may just levitate. Seriously, I may.
At 8:46am, along with what I'm sure with be tinge of sadness that my last is off to Big Kid School never again to accompany me on errands, hair cuts or supermarket runs (whining, begging for candy and dragging her heels & asking to be carried all the way), there will be 6 hours and 14 minutes of time to do WHATEVER THE F*CK I WANT...aghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
What to do first!?!
What to do?? Well I will be whipping up your dinner and hopefully, if you are smart enough, letting me DELIVER IT STRAIGHT to your doorstep that's what.
What's that?? We deliver, you say? Yes I do. Not only do you not have to shop for the food? Not only do you not have to
cook the food? But you don't even have to drag those tired legs of yours down to our kitchen on Warren Avenue (and any little, tiny babes that some of you are still chasing around all morning, sorry for my earlier gloating, it just couldn't be avoided). Cuz we'll deliver this sh*t right to you.
Click on the Order (THIS SH*T RIGHT NOW) Button and pick and choose which MIND BENDING salads you want to buy for the next few days (because if you're like me, your jeans are no longer your friends and won't be any time soon unless you add a little green into your diet). Or simply Click, REPLY to this blog and tell me what you need delivered to your door or waiting for you at my kitchen on Thursday at 12pm sharp. Or just zip off a friendly text (917.721.9217) listing the delectable items you need to make you, your kids and that husband of yours more happy & satisfied than y'all have been in weeks.
Because Peeps, between the kids going back to school and NOT having to cook (for as many days as you buy for for), it's like Christmas in September. And I am the big, fat man wearing a shiny black boots & making everyone smile.
Seriously, that's not very far from the truth. (besides being a woman & wearing Asics Gels, that'll be me on Thursday)...WAHOO! MOM'S NIGHT OFF! is BACK.
Okay, I don't mean to beat a dead horse...
Okay, I'm not one to beat a dead horse. Hang on, I'm sorry. I can't even say that with a straight face. That's COMPLETE HORSE SH*T. I am TOTALLY one to beat a dead horse. In fact, if you asked my husband or my kids and they will say there is no one else on this EARTH that needs to make her point in so many words and so many different fashions and with such tenacity. Okay, so we have that established, I tend to over-explain and drive the point home a wee too often. But in this instance, it really MATTERSSSSS.
You need a Night off. You DESERVE a Night off. And with only two weeks left where you can GET a night off, two weeks left when you will have a menu emailed to your phone and all you have to do is click REPLY and tell me what you want to eat Thursday, whether you want it delivered and if there is something you would like held, removed, or burned to a crisp, WHY WOULD YOU NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE SO EASY??
Because I don't know about you but my f*cking life is like BANANAS complicated. I can't even figure out how in God's NAME I am going to get some classy outfits for my growing kiddos for a Bar Mitzvan this weekend..in RHODE ISLAND, that I'm traveling to while trying to cater someone's dinner party that night. I mean, if someone can rock out some Crispy Panko Crusted Chicken Fingers for my kids FRESHLY cut that morning, grill up a Flank Steak for my man while hitting me up with a Chinese Chopped for me when I finally get 45 seconds to sit down Thursday night - not only would I want to make out with that person (sorry, again, a little over the top, no surprise there), but I am sure as sh*t ordering it up because life in June feels like trying to run a marathon while learning to French Braid my kids hair. Way too much going on there.
So order up. Because I'm telling you, about mid-July you are going to wonder why you didn't take me up on this whole, 'making-my-life-easy' gig we got going on over here at MOM'S NIGHT OFF!
Why not give yourself a break, huh??
"Yes, I know, I may have become somewhat of an over-poster lately…"
WHAT a WEEKEND!!!
So, as anyone with Facebook or Instagram knows, my daughter Frankie celebrated her First Communion this weekend!!!! WAHOO!! Way to go Frankie!!! Morning started off with a kickin' blow out at Salon Eliya for my girl, back to the house for a quick dress and photo shoot where I promptly began hollering at my kids to stop bugging the crap out of one another and smile for the G*D D*MN camera!@$@!! Had to zip those fantastic snaps right through the Internet for all my peeps to witness because that's just what we DO in 2015!!
Yes, I know. I may have become somewhat of an over-poster lately on social media. Food pics, house pics, or cute little kid pics shoving ice cream up each others noses - you name it, and I have been posting it lately. And I know that can be annoying, seeing the same name popping up on FB over and over again every three or four pictures (I haven't gotten that bad yet, have I??) but there is just something about spring that has me wanting to send out the vibe - tasty food! cute kids!! life is good people!!
It has been a long winter, ya know?? And when I see pics of my friends kids' bouncing around the lacrosse field or hugging their priest after getting their first taste of that stale wafer when the last time I saw the kid he had no teeth at all let alone the five bucktooth ones he's sporting in his seersucker suit, it makes me a little weepy. Life is zipping by us all. Frankie is Numero Tres Kiddo out of Cuatro and pretty soon I know I will be sitting in that pew with Georgia next to me and it will be my last time listening to that song "Open My Eyes Lord" and losing my sh*t right there in the third row (at least my husband was sniffling along with me which made me feel a little less pathetic).
So I'm gonna post a pic or two of my kids on these special occasions for the world to see. Not so I can pretend every thing is all roses all the time (again, read the passage on how I got these kids to smile with severe coersion and possibly even a few subliminal death threats), but because life is too short and my kids are pretty freakin' fantastic and if I can't be proud enough to show them off at their finest, when the heck can I??
So enjoy these pics knowing they took a few pounds of flesh from my soul. And knowing now that that First Communion is over, we are just that much closer to Memorial Day Weekend which means sun, fun, and probably you guessed it, another 10 or 20 more pics of my kids next week...the unsubscribe button is below for those who need it!!
Chow down this week - I made some tasty SH*T for you before you shove off for the weekend!
I would be TOTALLY on board with the country making some kind of declaration that we have another Mother's Day each year...
I would be TOTALLY on board with the country making some kind of declaration that we have another Mother's Day each year. What do you think??
Ya know, like maybe every six months?? Think it would be nice if they recognized that Mother's do about 79% of the work around the house (sorry guys, but c'mon, you so know it's true), making meals, folding laundry, wiping *ss - it just never ends. And that's cool, because actually it WILL end. When these kids hit 18 and they are off to college, we can do what I am doing at present, which is tuning in the 8 o'clock news, banging around on my computer with nary a little *ss in the house calling for me to come clean it up and guess who will still be punching his time card while I kick my feet up and enjoy the early retirement?? HA!!
So the hubbie's got them all off planning some FABULOUS (read: hard eggs, potentially rubbery bacon, over-toasted bagels) breakfast while I pretend to be sleeping in here. And it was a had fought battle to get what I wanted today. Mainly because I never know what the hell it is I do want. Do I want watch the kids games or should we take a trip out to the beach for the day? Do I want to take a bike ride with every one or should I take advantage of the fact that I can sit on my *ss all day long and let him take care of everything?? It's a conundrum. Mother's Day we probably should want to hang with our husband and kids right?? But sometimes the idea of pure unadulterated SILENCE is just so alluring...
So I made these past few days a nice mix of both. Friday I hit Ellis Island with Billy for a little history and Mom-Son bonding time (love this kid, he is just so BLOODY easy) and then hit Eric Alt where I sat my butt in a chair and let Matthew work his magic on my oh-so-browning locks making them blond and pretty again (that man is a wizard with the color). See that nice yin and yang?? Little for me...little for you.
Didn't have to battle that HELL that is the Country Fair (my bestie brought my daughter for her inaugural donut dive - now that's what friends are for). Got a little lacrosse last night but also a frozen margarita with the fam afterwards.
We need to soak this day (or weekend, however you need to enjoy it) up girls. It only comes around once a year (I'm working on the biannual but that may take some time), so sit on your cheeks, soak in a tub, order in food or make your husband take them right the hell out while you stay home. Whatever works. But come away revived because tomorrow, well that's Groundhog's Day sister and I don't want to hear any complaining about it.
