I hate to sound heartless, I really do, but I don't think I will miss them.

Whoa Nellie. Hold Up.

I’m gonna make this one short & sweet because I think you have heard me drone on enough about my excitement over getting back to Reality over the past week. But I just gotta mention it one more time because…THIRTY-SIX HOURS FROM NOW MY KIDS WILL BE IN SCHOOL!!!

I hate to sound heartless. I do. But I really don’t think I’ll miss them. Take this morning, my oldest was still sleeping and my other three and I were having a little Arts & Crafts Action with some sharp colored pencils & crisp drawing paper, sipping smoothies and nibbling on cinnamon toast. It was totally chill & relaxing. Playing the uber-annoying, but somehow addictively enjoyable game of, Would You Rather (Would You Rather eat a bowl of snot or lick poop off your shoe?? Seriously, my five year old is going to be LIVING in the Principle’s office with not a single Kindergarten Mom calling for playdates). Even then, my mind kept returning to the fact that a mere two days from now I would be sitting in a quiet, tidy KID-FREE ZONE. KID. FREE. Motha f*ckaaaa. Sorry, I need to keep the language G-rated until then.

I’m just SILLY with excitement. Orders flooding in for Flank Steak Caesars & Chicken Fingers, “Can I get the Guacamole on the side with my Baja??”…sure thing lady, you can have the moon if you wish, my kids are in school for 6 hours today.

We’ve got people calling, booking their Progressive Dinners for their clubs in October, their 50th Birthday parties for their spouses next weekend because they have been moving their kids in to college and it just makes. My. Heart. Sing. to have my head filled with menus of Coconut Shrimp & Tamarind Ginger Sauce, Candy Bacon & the tastiest of tasty Maine Lobster Salad on some crunchy Endive. Yum. It. Up.

So I’m just gonna say it once and then I won’t repeat it because I know you don’t want to get left shopping and cooking on Thursday. ORDER NOW. Just do it. Don’t wait. Zip off the damn email snagging yourself a Paleo Greek Salad, some Roasted Chipotle Shrimp with Black Bean & Roasted Corn Salad and a Chinese Chopped. Reserve your three orders of freshly crisped Panko Crusted Chicken Fingers so your kids aren’t looking at you with disdain when you pull out those freezer burned Trader Joe’s numbers. Because there ain’t NOTHING like my freshly cut, breaded and flash fried Chicken Fingers and not many salads in town that can compare to our Shredded Kale & Quinoa with Crunchy Grapes & Grated Parm.

So pull the trigger. We got you covered.

WE DELIVER.

I may just LEVITATE. Seriously, I may...

Holy Hannah WHO IS EXCITED ABOUT THURSDAY??
 
C'mon, tell me. I want to know. 
Who, after ten LONG weeks of packing beach bags and folding towels, after slathering sunscreen on cranky, squirming children & eating dozens of snack bar cheeseburgers that taste like hockey pucks (or crap-ass wilted salads with thick, pasty dressing) is
READY???
 
Who (pray tell) is as excited as I am to have their children so FAR out of their grills for 7 straight hours that they can almost taste it (if you are one of those women who post in FB how
super sad you are to see summer come to an end because you will miss your kids so much Thursday morning, please, unsubscribe from this blog. Seriously. I'm not sure we can be friends...)??
 
Now, next question: Please raise your hand, (or better yet, Click on the reply button and order right now)
WHO IS READY FOR A NIGHT OFF! from the stove? From a morning off at the supermarket? From an evening free of complaints from your husband that you've made this meal like, 26 times this summer and it was never very good to begin with?
 
I know I am. I am so STINKIN' ready for this THURSDAY I can taste it. Taste the crunch of Napa Cabbage & Salty Dry Roasted Peanuts (all foods should have caps btw) under a sheen of that spicy Red Chili Peanut Dressing. My mouth waters when I think about that lime-y, puckery twang of our Citrus Lime Vinaigrette on the Baja Chicken Salad with the pop of Roasted Corn under a dollop of Guacamole. And the idea of taking a bite of our Panko-Crusted Chicken Fingers that have taken a little dip in our Buffalo Honey BBQ Sauce makes my heart do a little backflip. A double in pike position. That's how good.
 
Add that to watching my kids,
ALL FOUR OF THEM (wahoooooo!! Georgia is OFF to Kindergarten!!) pass through those hallowed doors at Ho-Ho-Kus school by 8:45am - I may just levitate. Seriously, I may.
 
At 8:46am, along with what I'm sure with be tinge of sadness that my last is off to Big Kid School never again to accompany me on errands, hair cuts or supermarket runs (whining, begging for candy and dragging her heels & asking to be carried all the way), there will be 6 hours and 14 minutes of time to do WHATEVER THE F*CK I WANT...aghhhhhhhhhhhhh! 
What to do first!?!
 
What to do?? Well I will be whipping up your dinner and hopefully, if you are smart enough, letting me DELIVER IT STRAIGHT to your doorstep that's what. 
What's that?? We deliver, you say? Yes I do. Not only do you not have to shop for the food? Not only do you not have to  
cook the food? But you don't even have to drag those tired legs of yours down to our kitchen on Warren Avenue (and any little, tiny babes that some of you are still chasing around all morning, sorry for my earlier gloating, it just couldn't be avoided). Cuz we'll deliver this sh*t right to you.
 
Click on the Order (THIS SH*T RIGHT NOW) Button and pick and choose which MIND BENDING salads you want to buy for the next few days (because if you're like me, your jeans are no longer your friends and won't be any time soon unless you add a little green into your diet). Or simply Click, REPLY to this blog and tell me what you need delivered to your door or waiting for you at my kitchen on Thursday at 12pm sharp. Or just zip off a friendly text (917.721.9217) listing the delectable items you need to make you, your kids and that husband of yours more happy & satisfied than y'all have been in weeks.
 
Because Peeps, between the kids going back to school and NOT having to cook (for as many days as you buy for for), it's like Christmas in September. And I am the big, fat man wearing a shiny black boots & making everyone smile. 
 
Seriously, that's not very far from the truth. (besides being a woman & wearing Asics Gels, that'll be me on Thursday)...WAHOO! MOM'S NIGHT OFF! is BACK.
 

Okay, I don't mean to beat a dead horse...

Okay, I'm not one to beat a dead horse. Hang on, I'm sorry. I can't even say that with a straight face. That's COMPLETE HORSE SH*T. I am TOTALLY one to beat a dead horse. In fact, if you asked my husband or my kids and they will say there is no one else on this EARTH that needs to make her point in so many words and so many different fashions and with such tenacity. Okay, so we have that established, I tend to over-explain and drive the point home a wee too often. But in this instance, it really MATTERSSSSS.
You need a Night off. You DESERVE a Night off. And with only two weeks left where you can GET a night off, two weeks left when you will have a menu emailed to your phone and all you have to do is click REPLY and tell me what you want to eat Thursday, whether you want it delivered and if there is something you would like held, removed, or burned to a crisp, WHY WOULD YOU NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE SO EASY?? 
 Because I don't know about you but my f*cking life is like BANANAS complicated. I can't even figure out how in God's NAME I am going to get some classy outfits for my growing kiddos for a Bar Mitzvan this weekend..in RHODE ISLAND, that I'm traveling to while trying to cater someone's dinner party that night. I mean, if someone can rock out some Crispy Panko Crusted Chicken Fingers for my kids FRESHLY cut that morning, grill up a Flank Steak for my man while hitting me up with a Chinese Chopped for me when I finally get 45 seconds to sit down Thursday night - not only would I want to make out with that person (sorry, again, a little over the top, no surprise there), but I am sure as sh*t ordering it up because life in June feels like trying to run a marathon while learning to French Braid my kids hair. Way too much going on there.
So order up. Because I'm telling you, about mid-July you are going to wonder why you didn't take me up on this whole, 'making-my-life-easy' gig we got going on over here at MOM'S NIGHT OFF! 
Why not give yourself a break, huh??
 

"Yes, I know, I may have become somewhat of an over-poster lately…"

WHAT a WEEKEND!!! 
So, as anyone with Facebook or Instagram knows, my daughter Frankie celebrated her First Communion this weekend!!!! WAHOO!! Way to go Frankie!!! Morning started off with a kickin' blow out at Salon Eliya for my girl,   back to the house for a quick dress and photo shoot where I promptly began hollering at my kids to stop bugging the crap out of one another and smile for the G*D D*MN camera!@$@!! Had to zip those fantastic snaps right through the Internet for all my peeps to witness because that's just what we DO in 2015!! 
Yes, I know. I may have become somewhat of an over-poster lately on social media. Food pics, house pics,  or cute little kid pics shoving ice cream up each others noses - you name it, and I have been posting it lately. And I know that can be annoying, seeing the same name popping up on FB over and over again every three or four pictures (I haven't gotten that bad yet, have I??) but there is just something about spring that has me wanting to send out the vibe - tasty food! cute kids!! life is good people!! 
It has been a long winter, ya know?? And when I see pics of my friends kids' bouncing around the lacrosse field or hugging their priest after getting their first taste of that stale wafer when the last time I saw the kid he had no teeth at all let alone the five bucktooth ones he's sporting in his seersucker suit, it makes me a little weepy. Life is zipping by us all. Frankie is Numero Tres Kiddo out of Cuatro and pretty soon I know I will be sitting in that pew with Georgia next to me and it will be my last time listening to that song "Open My Eyes Lord" and losing my sh*t right there in the third row (at least my husband was sniffling along with me which made me feel a little less pathetic). 
So I'm gonna post a pic or two of my kids on these special occasions for the world to see. Not so I can pretend every thing is all roses all the time (again, read the passage on how I got these kids to smile with severe coersion and possibly even a few subliminal death threats), but because life is too short and my kids are pretty freakin' fantastic and if I can't be proud enough to show them off at their finest, when the heck can I??  
So enjoy these pics knowing they took a few pounds of flesh from my soul. And knowing now that that First Communion is over, we are just that much closer to Memorial Day Weekend which means sun, fun, and probably you guessed it, another 10 or 20 more pics of my kids next week...the unsubscribe button is below for those who need it!! 
Chow down this week - I made some tasty SH*T for you before you shove off for the weekend!
 

I would be TOTALLY on board with the country making some kind of declaration that we have another Mother's Day each year...

I would be TOTALLY on board with the country making some kind of declaration that we have another Mother's Day each year. What do you think??
Ya know, like maybe every six months?? Think it would be nice if they recognized that Mother's do about 79% of the work around the house (sorry guys, but c'mon, you so know it's true), making meals, folding laundry, wiping *ss - it just never ends. And that's cool, because actually it WILL end. When these kids hit 18 and they are off to college, we can do what I am doing at present, which is tuning in the 8 o'clock news, banging around on my computer with nary a little *ss in the house calling for me to come clean it up and guess who will still be punching his time card while I kick my feet up and enjoy the early retirement?? HA!! 
So the hubbie's got them all off planning some FABULOUS (read: hard eggs, potentially rubbery bacon, over-toasted bagels) breakfast while I pretend to be sleeping in here. And it was a had fought battle to get what I wanted today. Mainly because I never know what the hell it is I do want. Do I want watch the kids games or should we take a trip out to the beach for the day? Do I want to take a bike ride with every one or should I take advantage of the fact that I can sit on my *ss all day long and let him take care of everything?? It's a conundrum. Mother's Day we probably should want to hang with our husband and kids right?? But sometimes the idea of pure unadulterated SILENCE is just so alluring...
So I made these past few days a nice mix of both. Friday I  hit Ellis Island with Billy for a little history and Mom-Son   bonding time (love this kid, he is just so BLOODY easy) and then hit Eric Alt where I sat my butt in a chair and let Matthew work his magic on my oh-so-browning locks making them blond and pretty again (that man is a wizard with the color). See that nice yin and yang?? Little for me...little for you.
Didn't have to battle that HELL that is the Country Fair (my bestie brought my daughter for her inaugural donut dive - now that's what friends are for). Got a little lacrosse last night but also a frozen margarita with the fam afterwards. 
We need to soak this day (or weekend, however you need to enjoy it) up girls. It only comes around once a year (I'm working on the biannual but that may take some time), so sit on your cheeks, soak in a tub, order in food or make your husband take them right the hell out while you stay home. Whatever works. But come away revived because tomorrow, well that's Groundhog's Day sister and I don't want to hear any complaining about it.   
 

"I mean seriously, how do people build houses?? I know NOTHING. NOTH. ING. Well, that's not true, I can make a mean Ginger Marinated Shrimp…"

Let's add a kid home sick from school and see how we manage throwing that on the pile?? Sore throat?? Sure! Why not, nothing going on over here that wouldn't be more fun being shoved to the side for a quick trip to the Doctor's Express on Ridgewood Ave this morning (shout out to them though, they are fast and FANTASTIC). 
While there cell phone rings...
"Oh you're around the corner?" HVAC guy asks. "Great! Can you come over to the house to see where to put these circulators (regulators? percolators?? I have no idea what you just said...) because your husband said to ask you, and only you for the answers to everything." Hey why not?? I have no f*cking clue what the answers are to any of these questions, but I can fake it if you can, right??
I mean seriously, how do people build houses?? Am I supposed to know where to put vents and electrical outlets and soffits and percolators (still don't think I have that right)? I know NOTHING. NOTH. ING. Well, that's not true, I can make a Ginger Marinated Shrimp over Thai Peanut Noodles that will make you cry its so tasty and delicious, but tell you how big a window to add to my mudroom because the lighting just doesn't seem right (4'?? 5'??) and I want to run out the door (which I did after shrugging my shoulders and saying, 'huh, I don't know, whatever you think?'). 
Can someone please tell me this gets easier? Because I'm pissed off I had to miss my favorite boot camp this morning for a non-strep sore throat (bastard!!) and then had to go over to that House of Death with its hanging wires and holes in the floor and feel like I am the stupidest human for not having a single answer to what I feel are inane, non-important questions in the scheme of things? Aren't there people I can hire for this?? Because you all hire me to make you dinner - I'm not supposed to have all the answers am I?? 
Good. Thank you for saying that. Because I don't. Now order up. Because there is something I do know a thing or two about and that's that my food...is nothing less than divine. 
And we DELIVER. Top that.
Text 917.721.9217
 

You remember those days when you had a newborn in the house waking up every three or four hours,

You remember those days when you had a newborn in the house waking up every three or four hours, a few other little punks around 2 and 4 beating the crap out of each other every waking minute and you literally felt like all you did was move from kitchen counter to changing table to dishwasher and back to kitchen counter?? If you didn't have a kid hooked up to your boob (or a bottle - hey, I ain't judging, been there, done that, both ways), a bottle brush in one hand and a fork shoving frozen chicken fingers into your toddlers with the other, it just wasn't a day?? Eyes half shut, hair matted with ketchup and what was that?? - poo?? diaper cream?? - and all you wanted was for your husband to walk through that door so you could run SCREAMING for the hills for an hour to feel like a human again?? 
Well, while I will never, and I mean NEVER ever have kids that age again (tie 'em up folks - TIE THEM UP) making me want to stick knitting needles my eye sockets if only so I could close them for a while (sorry, but that's just not a phase I want to relive again, EVER), that exhaustion, that sheer level of "I-can't-keep-my-freaking-eyes-open-another-minute" tiredness is feeling oh-so-familiar to me these days.
I am cracking at the seams. I am beaten. I have met my match and his name is HOUSE UNDER CONSTRUCTION. I can do a lot. I mean, you know me, I can manage the sh*t out of a lot of stuff. Four kids. Communion season in full force with five events this week. Weekend sports schedule & Alumni Day at Princeton all in the last 48 hours; scoop of vanilla, scoop of chocolate, I got it. But give me a week with all that PLUS HVAC guys, electricians, plumbers and contractors all giving me lists with questions and demands that I just don't have the answers to and I am feeling like I would love to locate those knitting needles and stick them in someone else's eye sockets and his name begins with Hus and ends with Band. 
So I'm just gonna pretend my phone doesn't work. Sorry Mr. Builder but my cell doesn't get service in the kitchen so call my hubbie and let me focus on the FOOD!!! 
 
Because scroll down folks and see that this week we have a long list of our GREATEST HITS!! These are our TOP SELLERS over the past six months. Every time we make 'em, we sell out of them so we figured why not put them all on the same menu?? I know, wily little buggers we are. And we are selling in TWO places!! Regular MNO at my kitchen (The Community Church of HHK) AND at the Spring Boutique at the United Methodist Church on Thursday from 9-3pm!! Food! Accessories! Clothes! House wares! Desserts! SPRING BOUTIQUE is selling it ALL!!! 
So dinner now. Go do a little shop. And then pick up at the church or oh, the other church!! 
Do it now.
 We ran CLEAR OUT last week.
1) GINGER MARINATED SHRIMP with THAI SESAME NOODLES WITH CUCUMBERS, CARROTS & RED PEPPER ($14.50/DINNER)
2) GINGER MARINATED CHICKEN WITH THAI SESAME NOODLES  WITH CUCUMBERS, CARROTS & RED PEPPER ($14.50/DINNER)
3) WHEATBERRIES WITH DRIED CRANBERRIES, FUJI APPLES, TOASTED PECANS, SHREDDED KALE & GORGONZOLA IN MAPLE ORANGE VINAIGRETTE ($12.50/SALAD)
4) BAJA CHICKEN SALAD WITH GRILLED CHICKEN, ROASTED CORN, QUESO FRESCA, CHERRY TOMATOES, CREAMY GUACAMOLE & CRISPY TORTILLA CHIPS IN CITRUS LIME VINAIGRETTE ($12.50/SALAD)
5) GRILLED FLANK STEAK OVER ARUGULA WITH MINI MOZZARELLA BALLS, CHERRY TOMATOES, ROASTED RED PEPPERS IN A LIGHT BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE ($12.50/salad)
6) CHOPPED THAI SHRIMP SALAD OVER NAPA CABBAGE WITH EDAMAME, CHOPPED SNOW PEAS, GRATED CARROTS, ROASTED CASHEWS IN A RED CHILI PEANUT DRESSING ($12.50/salad)
7) GAZPACHO with DICED AVOCADO ($11/quart)
8) PASTA FAGIOLE ($11/quart)
11) CRISPY PANKO CRUSTED CHICKEN FINGERS WITH HOMEMADE HONEY MUSTARD ($9/1/2lb order)
12) BUFFALO STYLE PANKO CRUSTED CHICKEN FINGERS ($9/1/2lb order)
13) CRUNCHIFIEDS OR WHITE CHOCOLATE PRETZEL BARK ($4/bag)
Order Now. PICK UP at THE COMMUNITY CHURCH OF HOHOKUS (enter through the blue doors by the playground)
12pm-3:30pm
ORDER NOW!
 

Yo Peeps...guess what's in the house?? HEALTHY is in the HOUSE.

What's fun about Healthy you ask?? Well, in my opinion, generally speaking, not much. However, that's like Weight Watchers or South Beach un-fun. Not Catch-y Caterer un-fun. 
When you talk to a caterer who loves food as much as I do (any and all will do, no preference for Frozen Yogurt over Ice Cream just as long as it's something frosty & delicious) and who loves FLAVOR-PACKED food as much as I do (can you say Deep Fried Macaroni & Cheese Bites or like, Buffalo Chicken Nuggets?!?), I will find a way to make HEALTHY food taste FANTASTIC. True story. I will also, and this is my personal favorite thing about my version of healthy food, be serving it to you in a Monster portion. Because I, my friends, am a VOLUME EATER....that means if someone places a butt-load of food on my plate, I am going to take the entire thing down to the studs. Yup. That's just what a member of the Clean Plate Club does. Booyah.
So not only are we 'cleaning' up an Italian favorite (Chicken Parm becomes Baked Panko Crusted Stuffed Chicken) by rolling it in Panko and BAKING it so it gets that crunchy, lovely crust on it, but we are also grilling up some Dijon Peach Pork Tenderloin Kabobs for you and throwing some fruit & veg there on the stick for you too (can you say Roasted Pineapple YUM?). Get your protein and your fruits & veggies, kill two birds with one stone sister. I got ya covered. You know it. 
So order up either dinner - both are smoking hot ROCK STARS in the food department and toss a Shredded Kale & Quinoq Salad in there for good measure. Can't say the Blackened Shrimp Cobb or Chicken Fingers are healthy per se, but they are DAMN good. 
And let us drop it to your doorstep. WHY NOT RIGHT?? You don't need to add another thing to your to-do list. 
Order now. Running low on the chow...not everyone is leaving town and so food is going fast.
 
Check out our new website and order up! 
www.thecatchycaterer.com