i always loved crunchy peanut butter better...

it's been a busy week. nicely done folks. you listened.

i love when i hear from you guys. i had no less than a dozen you reach out this week about how hard it is to fit in some time for yourselves, how shitty you feel when your sister-in-law's house looks like a martha stewart ad and how you can barely find matching socks for your kid and get your mascara on right. girl, I GET IT. i'm not sure what this business catchy. or i look like from the outside, but on the inside, it is NOT pretty these days.

many of you know (and i'm sure many more of don't) that i am recently separated from my husband. and it sucks. just typing that sucks. waking up each morning to it sucks. looking at my kids and seeing their sadness sucks. and knowing 18 years of love, patience, and hard work didn't quite have the ending we worked tirelessly to create is more shitty than any words i have at my disposal. life right now is ugly. like dropping f-bombs in front of my 8 year old ugly (yup, i said it) and while it may look okay from the outside to some, it's a whole hefty garbage bag full of crappy to those who know me closely. and whether i am passing it off as no big thing or i am letting my ugliness shine right out there (like this morning when i decided to go to dunkin' donuts in the world's most hideous pajamas and ran smack into not one, but three people i knew with a head of hair that can only be described as terrifying) - it's OKAY. no one is judging me and if they are (f*ck you), well i gotta tell you, at 45 years old, i have finally gotten to that place of I. DON'T. CARE.

life is messy. it's ugly and imperfect and everyone just does their best to put their best foot forward. your house doesn't look like a magazine spread? that's cool. mine is looking less than stellar right now with no one to call the lawn guy about the bus that drove over it last week. your kids don't have matching corduroys and they pulled their braids out in the car on the way down to your moms?? no worries. hopefully you got the pictures before you left.

i spent YEARS to trying for the perfect picture, creating the most delicious side dishes, organizing the most fun ladies night and what does it matter? the shit is all hanging right the F*CK out there now anyway so guess what? be kind to yourself and let someone help you. i've never in my life been one to ask for help and in the last three months there isn't a friend or acquaintance i haven't called on for something. a ride. a quart of milk. a sleepover for my kid when i couldn't handle four carpools all falling at the same hour. no one is perfect and you. don't. need. to. be. i had a woman call today asking us to cater her entire thanksgiving because she got in a fight with her mom and ended up changing her entire holiday plan and was so sad about it she couldn't even cook. i loved it. someone was finally asking me for help. finally something i could do for someone else.

so ask. all you gotta do is say the word and i can guarantee someone will be there to help. life's too short to try and make it all look smooth.

i always loved crunchy peanut butter better.